Drag me to Hell: Dragged to Horror Heaven

It has been nearly sixteen years since my introduction to horror films. I can only thank one person for planting my love seed for this particular genre, and that is my Uncle Mike. He introduced me to the Evil Dead trilogy back in 1993 and since then, never looked back! If it weren't for him, I'd probably be buying tickets to see The Haunting of Molly Hartley and calling that horror! Now, when I heard Raimi was taking the Spidey suit to the Laundry mat and dusting off his horror chops, my excitement glands started pouring out liquid lightning bolts! So, was it any good? Oh YES, YES, YES!!!! If you are an Evil Dead fan you are going to melt into a puddle of pure old-school Raimi goodness! As soon as the Circa 1992 Universal logo made its way on screen, I knew it was going to deliver! The plot is simplistic, if not a little ridiculous, but that's why it worked so well. It centers on a loan officer, Christine Brown ( played by the adorable Alison Lohman) who is desperately trying to get her mitts on the Assistant Manager position at the Wilshire pacific Bank where she works. She is approached by an old Gypsy woman who begs her for another extension on her mortgage. Christine trying to be firm, rejects the woman's plea, ultimately causing her eviction. The Old woman enraged and shamed curses Christine with a goat-like demon called the Lamia; after three days of torment, she will eventually be " dragged" to Hell. Raimi went back to his Evil Dead roots with this one, with his use of creative angles, buckets of goo, insects and wackiness! He utilized so many innovative techniques when it came to the creepiness of the film. Loved the goat shadows sliding underneath the locked door! You can tell his heart is in Horror for sure! There were some parts where CG was very apparent, but other than that I am a satisfied horror fan! The only thing I can say is, Welcome back Mr. Raimi!

S.Darko: The S stands for "Shitty"

I had no intentions of seeing this film let alone documenting my thoughts on it, but alas, here I am. I guess curiosity got the best of me? As if you couldn't tell, I hated this piece of crap. What brought my hatred to extended heights wasn't the wooden performances, nor the millions of trying to be cool by referencing the original references. No, not even the worm holes that looked like they were stolen from a Thompson Twins'video, but the fact that they used a Cocteau Twins' song for the final four minutes of the film. I'm such a pretentious snob, say no more! I don't want my favorite band anywhere near a piece of garbage like this. The song( Heaven or Las Vegas) didn't even jive with what was on screen! It just didn't fit!The only film I've seen that utilized a Twins' song beautifully was "Mysterious Skin". Now that I exhausted that from my system, onward with my thoughts! Richard Kelly had nothing to do with this project, and I bet he's glad his name isn't attached to this. I am a fan of the original, but have to admit I do find it to be a tad overrated. I remember one time you couldn't even go to a coffee house without overhearing some lovelorn-black-hair-skinny-jean Emo-freak professing his love for this film. Every Myspace user had Donnie Darko as their favorite film. But, I'm not writing about Richard Kelly's Darko, but Chris Fisher's unnecessary sequel. The plot was all over the place. Well maybe it was too deep for you Matt, and you're an idiot and just don't understand it? NO! How about the narrative was choppy, and a complete mess. Kelly's was mind-bending, but in the way that makes you think. It had direction and knew what it was doing. This was just trying too hard to be mind-bending, because it didn't know where to go as far as story and character development. I know, we'll throw in some trippy sequences and that will bend our viewers minds to the brink of them liking it! Wrong! It was more like a WB mini-movie. The only thing I made from this was that it was about Samantha and something about the world ending. To be honest I don't really care. This was like falling on top of dead hookers buried under HIV infested needles and a great big F you to Richard Kelly! Shame Shame.

Isolation: Delicious Camp-Free Horror

I must have taken roughly one-thousand-five-hundred-forty-one laps around Blockbuster Video before greeting the clerk with this yum-yum, honey bun! This is long before I had a Netflix account. I went to BB so much I had a cot set up in the horror section and the employees fed me grapes and coupons! Panic was making a stew out of me as my choices for a potential rent were dwindling mercilessly! I finally picked this one up, but was a little uncertain as to how I felt about it. It was either that or go home defeated and watch the how they salt crackers channel( or softcore porn). I approached the check-out counter with great reticence but unbeknownst to me, walked out of the exit with one of the best camp-free, organic-horror films I've seen in a long, long time! I believe it's the films you have no clue about that really surprise and titillate you. But how can a film about genetically modified mutant cows not be campy? Let me introduce you to Billy O'Brien's film, which is damn good! Think old Cronenberg but on a desolate farm in rural Ireland. A lonely farmer named Dan, with not much but lint in his pockets rents his farm out to a scientist who is researching genetic modifications of cattle to increase fertilization. While helping with the delivery of one cow, the veterinarian helping Dan is bitten and believes something went terribly wrong with the experiment. Meanwhile, a couple is camping out near the entrance to Dan's property and Dan asks the boyfriend to help with the delivery. After the delivery some crazy cronenbergesque hybrids begin running around causing chaos. The farm is then quarantined to prevent the infection of humans. This film milked the dreary mood established from the get-go. It takes itself serious but never once treads on campy territory. O'Brien keeps it simple and moody while grounding the elements in reality. This was absolutely a surprise and won my heart with only on viewing. If you're a fan of Cronenberg and serious horror/thrillers, you're going to love it!

The Last Winter: Who needs Spring?

Man, Larry Fessenden is about one film away from being added to my all-time favorite writer/directors list I have made up in my tiny mind. I haven't seen Habit yet, but it should be here any day now from Netflix, and I have a feeling that will be the film to do so, from what I'm reading about it. I really dug Wendigo, and The Last Winter just established my love for this man, an intellectual love! To tell you the truth, any director whose palette is a brooding wintry backdrop can pretty much count that I'm going to fall in love their film. The Last Winter has all the ingredients I love in a film. It's haunting, it's methodical, it's got that slow-paced brooding feel, an effective, haunting score, and creepiness. The backdrop as already established, is a desolate wintry landscape. The film centers on a remote drilling station and the men/woman who are there for the purpose of, well, drilling. As in Wendigo the film has some mythological undertones, but what's different with this one is that it's also has global warming as an ingredient. The films message from what I understand isn't HEY! stop fucking with earth, but more or less, this is a possibility. Ron Perlman of course is amazing. How can this man not be amazing? Some downfalls are that it does take about fifty minutes to really pick up, and some CGI used wasn't the greatest but it doesn't ruin the films strength in storytelling and spook factor. I'll definitely keep my eyes on Fressenden.

Let the Right one In: Let this one in

Haunting,poetic,brooding,alluring,beautiful,tragic; these are just some of the adjectives that represent Tomas Alfredson's film, Let the Right one In. Set in suburban Sweden in the early 1980s, the sullen wintry backdrop provides companionship to the already existent somber tone. The script was written by John Ajvide Lindqvist which is based on his own novel. The film opens and we meet a prepubescent boy named Oskar who is coping with the problems of school bullies, divorced parents, and loneliness. Soon after, he meets a demure but odd girl named Eli outside of the apartment complex where he lives. She informs Oskar that they can't be friends. However,they continue to meet at the jungle gym outside of the complex and the development of fist love and the innocence that blankets it surfaces,which the young actors brilliantly display! We soon learn however,that Eli is the Nosferatu. Alfredson abandons the clichés associated with vampires and in turn offers a different take on the age-old myth of the undead whilst staying true to the legend! I loved the disclosure of the myth of having to be invited in and what happens when you cross that line if you're not! This is not at all a typical fang-flick,and that's why I dug it so much! Eli hauntingly climbs up buildings, jumps on the backs of her victims draining their blood and snapping their necks, gives bloody kisses, and enjoys swimming pool killings(amazing and beautifully shot)! On the downside however,there was one scene in particular that was a little weak and involved a bit of shoddy CGI; however, it didn't ruin the film for me.The ending could be interpreted as both tragic and beautiful; I tend to be partial to the latter. The film is slow-paced and is sure to send people into the arms of Edward and his diamond skin, but, I urge you to leave him at a pawn shop and sink your teeth(delicious pun) into the better film!

Black Christmas: Where's the Baby,Billy?

If I were abducted, beaten, tortured, and thrown into a piss-laden dungeon with one choice of horror film to take with me, Bob Clark's Black Christmas would be that horror film! From the pervading atmosphere he creates to his methodical set up for impending doom, Clark's Christmas is an underrated holiday-horror classic, in my opinion. The film was released in 1974, nine years before his prominent holiday staple A Christmas Story, and four years before Carpenter's Halloween(sorry Michael fans, but before Haddonfield was being stalked, Billy was making unsettling phone calls to unsuspecting sorority girls). The film opens with a wide-shot of a sorority house where we are introduced to a nice point-of-view shot of our menacer sneaking into the house and making his home in the attic. What makes this set up so delightfully suspenseful is the fact that the girls haven't got a clue, but we the viewers know very well what's going on. Soon after Billy makes his way into the house, the obscene phone calls start. The calls continue and become increasingly macabre along with the girls becoming rapidly instilled with fear after they catch word of a young girl who was found murdered in the park not too far from their house. Not before long, the girls lives are taken at the hands of Billy. The film offers very little blood-shed, but this isn't at all a downfall. The phone calls are extremely unsettling and as I stated before, the girls lacking knowledge of Billy in the attic provides much-o suspense. You never see Billy. He's purposely draped in shadow the entire film along with his hidden identity of the POV shots. I believe this adds to the film in many,many ways. Bob wanted it to be that way. He was given shit about concealing the killer's identity, and I'm glad he didn't cave! The performances from Margot Kidder,Olivia Hussey, Keir Dullea and John Saxon are very credible. You actually believe these are real people! Throw in an eerie score from Carl Zittrer and an unsettling ending and you've got yourself a horror/thriller you can set your watch to. The only drawback is that I'll never get to see this for the first time again. One of my all-time favorites!

Laid to Rest: Mediocre at Best

After seeing a clip of this on Bloody-Disgusting, I was immediately intrigued. Johnathon Schaech's(That Thing You Do!, Prom Night Remake) death scene was a gore hounds banquet of sex! Unfortunately, after watching the film in its entirety, I was disappointed. This film comes from Robert Hall writer and director of Lightning Bug, which I am a fan of! I was excited to see how he would follow that one. So I put it, stuck a knife in it and... I felt like a kid waking up in the middle of the night to the smell of chocolate chip cookies, wandering into the living room only to see Daddy eating "Santa's" cookies and Mommy spreading gifts under the tree. What a bummer! From the start, the film didn't reel me in. I kept waiting for it to pick up and it never did. Sure the production value was on its game and the gore was impressive, but I'm better than that! I want the whole package man! If I'm going to purchase a hooker, I'm not going to settle for just a magic hands in the pants dance, I want the whole party! This was pretty typical slasher fare with some impressive death scenes. Do I really need to go into detail about the plot? Feeling a little middle about this one, which is unfortunate, because I'm a fan of Robert Hall.