Drag me to Hell: Dragged to Horror Heaven

It has been nearly sixteen years since my introduction to horror films. I can only thank one person for planting my love seed for this particular genre, and that is my Uncle Mike. He introduced me to the Evil Dead trilogy back in 1993 and since then, never looked back! If it weren't for him, I'd probably be buying tickets to see The Haunting of Molly Hartley and calling that horror! Now, when I heard Raimi was taking the Spidey suit to the Laundry mat and dusting off his horror chops, my excitement glands started pouring out liquid lightning bolts! So, was it any good? Oh YES, YES, YES!!!! If you are an Evil Dead fan you are going to melt into a puddle of pure old-school Raimi goodness! As soon as the Circa 1992 Universal logo made its way on screen, I knew it was going to deliver! The plot is simplistic, if not a little ridiculous, but that's why it worked so well. It centers on a loan officer, Christine Brown ( played by the adorable Alison Lohman) who is desperately trying to get her mitts on the Assistant Manager position at the Wilshire pacific Bank where she works. She is approached by an old Gypsy woman who begs her for another extension on her mortgage. Christine trying to be firm, rejects the woman's plea, ultimately causing her eviction. The Old woman enraged and shamed curses Christine with a goat-like demon called the Lamia; after three days of torment, she will eventually be " dragged" to Hell. Raimi went back to his Evil Dead roots with this one, with his use of creative angles, buckets of goo, insects and wackiness! He utilized so many innovative techniques when it came to the creepiness of the film. Loved the goat shadows sliding underneath the locked door! You can tell his heart is in Horror for sure! There were some parts where CG was very apparent, but other than that I am a satisfied horror fan! The only thing I can say is, Welcome back Mr. Raimi!

S.Darko: The S stands for "Shitty"

I had no intentions of seeing this film let alone documenting my thoughts on it, but alas, here I am. I guess curiosity got the best of me? As if you couldn't tell, I hated this piece of crap. What brought my hatred to extended heights wasn't the wooden performances, nor the millions of trying to be cool by referencing the original references. No, not even the worm holes that looked like they were stolen from a Thompson Twins'video, but the fact that they used a Cocteau Twins' song for the final four minutes of the film. I'm such a pretentious snob, say no more! I don't want my favorite band anywhere near a piece of garbage like this. The song( Heaven or Las Vegas) didn't even jive with what was on screen! It just didn't fit!The only film I've seen that utilized a Twins' song beautifully was "Mysterious Skin". Now that I exhausted that from my system, onward with my thoughts! Richard Kelly had nothing to do with this project, and I bet he's glad his name isn't attached to this. I am a fan of the original, but have to admit I do find it to be a tad overrated. I remember one time you couldn't even go to a coffee house without overhearing some lovelorn-black-hair-skinny-jean Emo-freak professing his love for this film. Every Myspace user had Donnie Darko as their favorite film. But, I'm not writing about Richard Kelly's Darko, but Chris Fisher's unnecessary sequel. The plot was all over the place. Well maybe it was too deep for you Matt, and you're an idiot and just don't understand it? NO! How about the narrative was choppy, and a complete mess. Kelly's was mind-bending, but in the way that makes you think. It had direction and knew what it was doing. This was just trying too hard to be mind-bending, because it didn't know where to go as far as story and character development. I know, we'll throw in some trippy sequences and that will bend our viewers minds to the brink of them liking it! Wrong! It was more like a WB mini-movie. The only thing I made from this was that it was about Samantha and something about the world ending. To be honest I don't really care. This was like falling on top of dead hookers buried under HIV infested needles and a great big F you to Richard Kelly! Shame Shame.

Isolation: Delicious Camp-Free Horror

I must have taken roughly one-thousand-five-hundred-forty-one laps around Blockbuster Video before greeting the clerk with this yum-yum, honey bun! This is long before I had a Netflix account. I went to BB so much I had a cot set up in the horror section and the employees fed me grapes and coupons! Panic was making a stew out of me as my choices for a potential rent were dwindling mercilessly! I finally picked this one up, but was a little uncertain as to how I felt about it. It was either that or go home defeated and watch the how they salt crackers channel( or softcore porn). I approached the check-out counter with great reticence but unbeknownst to me, walked out of the exit with one of the best camp-free, organic-horror films I've seen in a long, long time! I believe it's the films you have no clue about that really surprise and titillate you. But how can a film about genetically modified mutant cows not be campy? Let me introduce you to Billy O'Brien's film, which is damn good! Think old Cronenberg but on a desolate farm in rural Ireland. A lonely farmer named Dan, with not much but lint in his pockets rents his farm out to a scientist who is researching genetic modifications of cattle to increase fertilization. While helping with the delivery of one cow, the veterinarian helping Dan is bitten and believes something went terribly wrong with the experiment. Meanwhile, a couple is camping out near the entrance to Dan's property and Dan asks the boyfriend to help with the delivery. After the delivery some crazy cronenbergesque hybrids begin running around causing chaos. The farm is then quarantined to prevent the infection of humans. This film milked the dreary mood established from the get-go. It takes itself serious but never once treads on campy territory. O'Brien keeps it simple and moody while grounding the elements in reality. This was absolutely a surprise and won my heart with only on viewing. If you're a fan of Cronenberg and serious horror/thrillers, you're going to love it!